August 8, 2001
The Sarcasm Mark
I have just invented a new form of punctuation. I know... it seems far-fetched, but really, inventing new forms of punctuation is not that hard. I'm filling a need here, just like Ron Popeil.
Anyway... in print, there are question marks to indicate queries, exclamation marks to indicate emphasis and periods to indicate a statement, but nothing lets a reader know that a sentence is meant to be sarcastic.
I am often online and I participate in several forms of written communication on the Internet like chats, bulletin boards and email. I'm sure that you do as well—since you're here reading this. I'm also sure you've seen a joke or sarcastic remark taken the wrong way because the reader doesn't regognize the author's intent. Why do we let this continue to happen? Is this a question? Yes, it is. You knew because of the question mark.
What I am proposing is a punctuation mark that clears up all confusion about sarcastic remarks for the reader. The closest thing to a sarcasm mark is the winking smiley—and he isn't really a professional tool. You can't write a missive to a business associate with little cutesy ASCII faces in it. It's just not done.
And no one can claim that sarcasm isn't professional. If the amount of sarcasm in the American workplace is any indication, sarcasm is nothing but professional! My solution is the tilde. ~ We use it for practically nothing so it's free for the taking. Sure, the Spaniards and Mexicans have an affinity for that little squiggly. And web hosting services like Tripod brought the tilde out of the obscure place where the-thing-above-the-6 lives and back into our vocabulary.
What I propose is on a much grander scale. The sarcasm mark would be appended to the end of any sentence that was meant sarcastically. Think of all of the different places where the sarcasm mark is applicable! Why, The Onion alone would use hundreds of sarcasm marks each day. Man, the Onion is one great newspaper~ Did you catch that? It was a test sarcasm mark—it worked, didn't it? You knew I was being sarcastic. I'm telling you, 10 years from now when the sarcasm mark is in the dictionary, you'll thank me.