Alice in Chains is a good band, and Layne Staley was a unique singer. I really did like his voice and the Alice in Chains tunes that he performed. Now he's dead and people are describing him with phrases like, "an angry angel". It's enough to make any prince of darkness cringe. [Bubbles?!]

So, to prevent any tired catchphrases showing up in my obit., I would like these things to be reported to the newspaper in the event of my death:

From my colleagues: "She was just some chick that hung around here a lot. I don't think we actually paid her for anything."

From my husband: "I think she was trying to kill me slowly. She knew I was diabetic, yet always served me pie."

From my parents: "We're honestly surprised that she was never jailed as a serial killer. Honestly. But they never found any bodies."

From my son: "Stevie Wonder is a Motown great.