ABC is creating a new reality show with the euphamistic title, "Ultimate Makeover". What it should really be called is, "Put your life in our limited liability hands".

It seems harmless enough on the surface; a few lucky ugly people are going to be made beautiful at the hands of experts. But if you read the contract fully, you should "understand that the Program involves the ultimate makeover of the participant which may include, without limitation, cosmetic surgery on the participant." Without limitation?

I would be very wary of going under the knife of a network-chosen surgeon. I would also be concerned that the health of the participant would come second to instant results. Why exercise for ten months when you can suck that fat off in an hour? You can be gorgeous by the commercial break. If you're that desperate to be perfect, fill out the application and let ABC have a crack at you.

I wouldn't be surprised if you came out of surgery only to find a circle and the letters ABC tattoed on your forehead.