October 2, 2003
Wired
I can’t do it. I can’t chill out. Ugh. This afternoon I took some time off that I was owed from last week. We were at quarter end and as a reward (I don’t know what for) the management (people who no one actually is certain exists) gave us the afternoon off. For most people that meant they could leave right after the company barbeque that took place that afternoon. For me it meant staying late.
Normally I would have been allowed to go home, well, ok let me rethink that one. If my current boss was making the decision she would have let me go home. She is really great. We work very hard, but she is very accommodating. Last week when this occurred however, she was out of town in Europe and needed me to cover for her. Not a problem. I actually don’t mind working at all. It is nice to be in the office when it is quiet, I tend to get a lot more done in the same amount of time.
Back to the matter at hand. I took the time that I would have gotten last Friday, today. I went out to lunch with my friend Chris, and of course we talked the entire time about work; my work, his work, so on and so on. That was a lot of fun. Thanks for lunch man.
Then I am left to my own devices for a few hours while I wait for Tara to get done at work. I had Chris drop me off at her office, since it is a whole lot closer than anything else is and Tara and I share a car. I found myself in the parking lot of a Stop and Shop making phone calls for work. Checking voicemail, returning calls, it was pathetic! The only way I was really able to pacify myself was to sit in the parking lot, take out the laptop and do what I am doing now, write something. Anything to keep me busy. It’s almost like my mind feels like it is missing something and focusing on my work is how I will fill that need, I don’t know. I do know that it feels good to write.
I am actually going to take a vacation in about 1.5 weeks. I am scheduled to do absolutely nothing and it sounds great, but I am a little concerned that I may go batty. Adam called last night and I told him about the vacation, I may go up to Somerville and hang out with him for a few days just to get out of my routine. Sleeping, now that sounds like a fun idea. I could sleep for days and days and days.
Any suggestions on how I can unwind and let go of things a little bit?
Comments
In a word, "bourbon."
Yup, been there. I've been through periods of being completely obsessive about work. I used to think that if somehow I disciplined my mind or learned how to meditate it would be better. Now, I realize that some environments are just hard to deal with any anybody would feel that way. Sounds like your workplace is either having a tough period or is simply mismanaged. A company whose employees are always frazzled and at wit's end at the end of the day is generally a company that lacks management, or has bad management.
Now, that said, it would be nice if *you* could feel better. Two things that helped me: 1. I read a book called Work As A Spiritual Practice. I always feel a bit sheepish buying a self-help book, but I found this one pretty useful. The chapters are very short and have titles like "Anger," "Stress," etc., so you can just turn to what ails you at the time that you need it. 2. I tried to make little footholds and handholds towards more control, including having an "escape plan." Part of what makes a bad situation stressful is that you feel you can't escape from it (you can't just not show up) and you don't know how long you will be exposed to it. So, I tried to look at things that really bothered me and put them in a box, saying, well I will do this task for X amount of time, and if it's more than that, it's unreasonable and I'm going to talk to my supervisor about it. Eventually I did pull the ripcord on my escape plan from my most stressful job, because I felt things just weren't going to get better. But by that time I had already saved money, lined up references, and had a stack of interviews ready for me, so I felt like I wasn't just fleeing, I was in charge of what was going to happen to me.
Good luck.
Booze and strippers. Of course, that's my answer for everything.
I love the range of options that have been proposed to me here. Booze, strippers and inner peace. Love it! For Lisa, my job is actually really great, they aren't completely disorganized and the management is fine. There are two things that are happening here. First, I always push myself really hard at work. Anyone who knows me well can tell you that I am an intense person, no getting around that. I really like my job and that only makes it worse. The second thing is that this is the very nature of my current position. I am a product manager for a company that has well over a thousand catalog numbers. It may be even far greater than than, I am sure that perhaps thousands...it is just the way the job works. I am ok with that and I am really enjoying it, I just haven't taken a full week off of work in over a year and it is starting to show. Only 5 more work days until I am on vacation and two of them I will be traveling so it won't be too bad! Thanks for the suggestions guys!
You should get divorced. That always settles me right down.
The papers are here waiting for you when you get home...