Have you met Karyn? If you don't know Karyn yet, let me fill you in:

Karyn was spendthrift. She needed the trendiest clothes, the most excusive purses, a fast computer. She charged it all.

Karyn ended up with $20,000 in credit card debt and a pink slip from work. She created a cyber-begging site and the cash started rolling in. Revel in the eloquence that is Karyn:

"It was kind of like, when I couldn't color my hair, couldn't do all these things, I kind of got depressed for a while. I couldn't go out and buy cute clothes, I just felt funky every time I went anywhere, in like old clothes, stuff like, ugh." This smart girl is almost finished paying off her debt thanks to online donations. Good for her.

Along comes Jennifer. She's got Lyme Disease. She'd like some money too. And she got it.

Enter the Suburbanites. This anonymous couple would like to quit their jobs and travel for a year and they want to use your money to do it.

And poor Penny, she'd like to leave her husband. It appears that they have nothing in common and she'd like some cash to make the divorce easier.

If all of this Internet begging makes you sick, come back tommorow when we'll be talking about something else. But for the rest of you who were in the least tempted to donate to any of these people; I have an offer you can't refuse. Why choose between debt, sickness and a yen for the Alps when you can have it all?! I have found the all-in-one super charity. I offer you... me. I've got Lyme Disease, debt, no house, I'd like to take a year off to travel AND I'd like to leave my husband.

Okay, so the last one isn't 100% true, but it takes just a simple caculation to realize that I'm the charity of choice. Each of those people have only one (1) reason to need money. Me, I have four (4). Any grade-schooler knows that four is greater than one. Look they have even invented a way to express my need mathematically:

4 > 1

Can you possibly doubt the power of mathematics? I have numerical logic on my side!

I've had Lyme Disease for ten years - can Jennifer beat that? I don't think so. And unlike Karyn, my debt is made up of college loans. I have two degrees to show for my debt, not a Gucci bag that will go out of style next season.

So, send me money for all of my good reasons. Or no good reason whatsoever.