August 1, 2002
Mystery Fruit Stealer
I went food shopping last Saturday night and watched a man stealthily eat fruit from the produce displays. I had a choice to make; tell someone or keep it to myself. I like telling on people. It gives me satisfaction to tie up a loose end, do the right thing and make the world a better place. I get the same feeling when I put oil in my car or clean the communal kitchen at work.
I decided I would feel lame telling the produce manager, "Hey, stop that man from eating apricots!" But I was curious. What were his motives? What was his story?
As I selected mushrooms and lettuce, he carefully prodded peaches and nectarines. Something about his demeanor suggested he'd done this before. Some self-assured manner of choosing his treat said, "The produce aisle is my personal salad bar." A small part of me envied his lack of concern over fruit larceny. I can't bring myself to pop a grape in my mouth as I shop, yet this man can palm a nectarine and nonchalantly wipe the juice from his chin. I'm not comfortable shucking corn into the garbage can that the store provides and he's practically having a clam bake in the seafood aisle. Stop and Shop isn't all you can eat, buddy!
Anyway, clothing is a good barometer of situation. But this rasberry robber had me stymied. He had on beat up old loafers, faded and baggy drawstring pants and a spotless golf shirt. The look was either 'recently homeless man' or 'apathetic CEO on vacation'. Who are you Mystery Fruit Stealer!?
The riddle came to a disappointing conclusion (as they often do) when a woman walked by with her cart and screeched at him, "What are you doing? Don't eat that!" She sighed and walked away with him trailing behind her, shoulders slumped, guiltily holding a sticky, half-eaten fruit. He was just a guy and the most interesting thing he'd done all week was steal an apricot from Stop and Shop. Poor guy.
Comments