January 20, 2008
How to Taunt a Tiger
Remember these two? They're the fine, upstanding young men who said, "we didn't do nothing" when asked if they had done anything to prompt Tatiana the tiger into pouncing. Turns out, they did a little bit more than nothing, and endangered hundreds of other zoo visitors with their actions.
Here are Paul and Kubir's tips for geting yourself mauled by a Siberian tiger:
1) Go to the zoo high. Mauling is much cooler when you're stoned.
2) Chase that pot with a bottle of vodka. Drunk and high is like peaunut butter and jelly... or assault and battery. You can't have one without the other.
3) Stand on top of the protective barriers. How else is that tiger going to see you unless you get right in her territory?
4) Wave and gesture at the tiger. If you can make a shadow puppet of a wounded wildebeest, you're golden.
5) Yell at the tiger. Insult it's mother. Oh snap.
6) Bring your fake urine. What, you don't think I'd bring the real stuff, do you?!
One of the two survivors of the San Francisco Zoo tiger attack that left a 17-year-old dead told the victim's father that the three had yelled and waved at the animal while standing atop the railing of the tiger's exhibit, police said in court documents filed Thursday.
...
Investigators seized a small amount of marijuana as well as a partially filled bottle of Grey Goose vodka from the car, according to the inventory that police submitted from the search.
They also found a kit commonly used to defeat drug testing, which included a vial of unisex synthetic urine, police said.
Paul Dhaliwal's blood alcohol level had been measured after the attack at 0.16 percent, twice the legal level for drunkenness....Kulbir Dhaliwal's blood alcohol level was 0.04 percent, and Sousa's was 0.02 percent, Matthews said. All three also had marijuana in their systems.
Comments