Liloia.com

Friday Five

So, here is my first Friday Five in a while. This week's questions were kindof interesting so I am going to participate. I will freely say that I don't like all the questions that they post there. Sometimes it seems like they force it, and the questions aren't all that interesting.

1. What is your favorite type of literature to read (magazine, newspaper, novels, nonfiction, poetry, etc.)?

My favorite reading medium would have to be science fiction novels/short stories. Not all of them, because most of the modern publications in my opinion are pretty crappy. I have been enjoying Ray Bradbury almost exclusively for the last few years. I also have read a bunch of Bujold and some Lovecraft (a little depressing but fun). The classic Bradbury stories relating to Mars and American paranoia on a variety of subject is really the best.

I also switch off my reading to business, management philosophy and other related topics. Some of my favorite in that category are; anything relating to Six Sigma, the FISH books, Whale Done and The Tipping Point

2. What is your favorite novel?

My favorite novel would have to be Lord of the Rings: Two Towers.

3. Do you have a favorite poem? (Share it!)

Hmmm, I really enjoy poetry but it has been a long time since I have gotten into anything specific. For a time I was really into Poe, and I have always liked Maya Angelou, but nothing that comes to mind.

4. What is one thing you've always wanted to read, or wish you had more time to read?

I wish I had more time to read anything! Right now I tend to get through only one book a week, sometimes it takes almost 1.5 weeks to chew through something with my current schedule. I would love to go back and reread (or read for the first time) some classics; Dickens; Twain, Austin, etc.

5. What are you currently reading?

I am reading Execution by Larry Bossidy. It is a business publication about the process of getting things done and teaching managers at all levels but especially at the highest levels about how to execute business objectives effectively.

More Letterman

I was so concerned by mopsa's comment on my last post that I came

into work this morning and had to find out the truth. Yes, Dave is sick and is out for a few days, but he is not going to be "out sick"

until March 10th.

He is actually scheduled to be on vacation all of next week, so they have reruns scheduled for all of next week. Thank gosh. Old

Dave is still way better than John McEnroe

For a synopsis of the last few episodes: Late Show

Letterman

Tara and I are sitting here watching The Late Show with Dave Letterman, and for the second night this week Dave is out sick.

Now, in the past when Dave was out they would play an old episode for us. Instead they are having guest hosts on the show, and bad ones at that.

Last night it was Bruce Willis. I like Bruce Willis in the movies, but he sucked. Bad. Tonight the guest host is John McEnroe (I may be spelling it wrong, but I care so little about that arrogant has been that I am not even going to bother looking it up.) and guess what, John McEnroe sucks too. I thought it wasn't possible to be worse than Bruce Willis was last night, but he really is bad.

To add insult to injury Paul isn't with the band tonight. We found this out when John was introducing the band and turned to them and said, "Hey, where is Paul?" as if didn't know that Paul wasn't going to be there.

Is CBS trying to run this show into the ground or what? Tom Arnold came out as a guest and is sticking around for a while, so at least his Ridlin deprived personality is keeping things lively. I really hope that when Dave comes back he stays true to his cynical form and makes fun of bad television. Even if it is his own.

Ramble On

Last night, to my surprise there was a package on my front stoop from Amazon. I had ordered Mario Party 4 on Tuesday afternoon, and from the estimate that they had given me it was supposed to arrive sometime between March 3rd and 7th. Instead they were able to get it to me in 2 days! I had to work at the bookstore, so I didn't get a chance to play it last night, but Tara and Trevor did. Trust me, I will be playing it like crazy tonight. It is such a fun game and we all get to play together.

Tara showed me a new site last night that is probably one of the funniest groups I have ever seen. The gang at Cockeyed.com goes out and pulls pranks, and generally causes mayhem. The one compnent of the site that kills me is the "How much is Inside Adventures". These forays into weirdness answer the questions that we all have, but never ask. For example, how much tinfoil is in a roll, how big is a keg, and how much is inside a bottle of Magic Shell. If you have some time to kill, check it out. It is quite good.

Also, gotta plug Strong Bad, if you haven't visited it yet, then you are currently disowned until you do. The site requires that you have a sound card on your machine, so if you are at work like me, and your company is lame and doesn't install sound cards, then wait till you get home. Strong Bad and his friends are hysterical.

While playing The Sims Online the other day I came across another player that has fashioned her entire house after Strong Bad and his cronies. If you play Sims Online and you have a character in the Test City, email me and I will tell you where it is so you can check it out.

New Show on ABC

Emotionally Scarring International Radio

When I was in France, the radio was so bad that it made me cry. I'm searching to recreate that disorienting experience with online radio, but I am finding little success.

Today's stop was CFAX - Victoria, British Columbia.

While I was disturbed by the infallible earnestness of the canadian broadcasters -- they sound like gifted thirteen-year-olds who could barely contain their excitement at pretending to be adult radio announcers -- they did not induce tears.

HOST: A few good young Victorian women have come to speak to us this morning! (The phrase "Victorian women" tricked me into thinking of corsets and bustles, distracting me from the next disturbing greeting.)

GIRLS: Good morning! (which was sung out in unison by both girls with lithium-like pleasantness)

HOST: On such a sunny day in British Columbia, I can't imagine what you'd want to talk about!

What followed was a remarkably good-natured and upbeat conversation about cheap wine. And while ennui was plentiful, I was generally unimpressed by the lack of strangeness.

Erik Estrada

For any of you who thought that Erik Estrada was too big a star to get in touch with, this is an actual email from my friend Ryan. He and Will were working late one night at the office and were bored. They decided to see how many "C" list actors they could write to (and find contact info for) and get a response. So far this is their only hit....

*************************************

An actual email from one Erik Estrada. Me and Will were bored on Friday so
we emailed C-list celebrities for autographed pitures. keep in mind, my
original email is largely fabricated...

>From: "Erik Erik"
>Reply-To:
>To: "Ryan Adams"
>Subject: Re: From a big fan
>Date: Tue, 18 Feb 2003 11:21:53 -0500
>
>Hi Ryan,
>Glad you are a fan and I would be honored to send you an autograph. Please
>send me a sase to:
>Erik Estrada
>103 Sinclair Ave.
>Yorkville, Ohio 43971
>
>God Bless!
>Erik Estrada
>
>
>
>---------- Original Message ----------------------------------
>From: "Ryan Adams"
>Date: Fri, 14 Feb 2003 11:24:50 -0500
>
> >Erik,
> >
> >I just wanted you to know how much I enjoy seeing you on reruns of
> >C.H.I.P.S. And I just love all those cameos you've done. Especially on
> >'Unhappily ever after'. It would just make my day if I could get an
> >autographed picture of you to hang on my wall. Is there any way this
>could
> >happen?
> >
> >My address is:
> >
> >Ryan Adams
> >XXXXX
> >XXXXX
> >Boston, MA 02115
> >
> >Thanks!
> >Ryan

French Chef Commits Suicide After Losing Star Rating in Restaurant Guide

French Chef Commits Suicide After Losing Star Rating in Restaurant Guide

Rest of the world says, "You're a moron."

Mario Party 4!!

I am so pumped. Yesterday afternoon, I ordered a copy of Mario Party 4 from Amazon. We rented this game a month or so ago and it was awesome!

When we had it at the house (for all 3 days that Blockbuster lets you rent it for a million dollars) we couldn't stop playing. The great part about the game is that all of us can play it together. It is the equivalent of playing a really, really huge board game, on acid. I can't wait to get it next week and play it with all three of us!

Wait, we only have two controllers. Hmmmmm, hey Tara maybe this is a really good excuse for me to get the WaveBird wireless controller? :)

Shuttle Driver

I think that the shuttle driver has it in for me (or is it out for me? I can never remember.). Each day after work, I take a company-sponsored shuttle from my office to the train station. Recently my schedule changed a bit, requiring that I take a later shuttle and different train. The timing to make this plan work is very limiting and provides minimal time between the shuttle and train (less than a minute).

For the first few weeks I was able to make this transition smoothly. My arrival at the station provided enough time to run through the other commuters, down the steps and proceed down the platform to the second to last car where I ride home. But something happened a week or so ago.

I must have offended him, because instead of arriving at 5:13:30, we are not arriving at 5:14:07. Previously this would not have been a problem, but since I have to get home in order to get back out to the bookstore many nights, time is of the essence. I realize that along with the normal Boston traffic heading through the busiest part of town, we also have been having some horrid weather. There is still enough snow on the sides of the street to restrict traffic significantly.

All that said, I think the delays are the result of the driver hating my guts. I am sure of it.

Ugh, sick again!!!

Man, poor Trevor just can't catch a break. He has yet another ear infection in his right ear and this time it seems to be killing him. I asked Tara to talk to the doctor and ask if there is something we can do to help the poor kid and keep this from happening any more this year.

He has had 4 or 5 so far and apparently this is not all that concerning to them. They feel that he will eventually grow out of this as his ear grows and changes shape to allow for the fluid to drain more easily. I really hope for his sake that they change and grow soon, because he seemed really upset about it at 4 AM this morning.

Going home in a few minutes to eat some pizza fries and play some video games (Zelda and Pac-Man) with Trevor. Hopefully he is feeling a little better.

Axis of Evil Wannabes by John Cleese

I give this to you with the caveat that I cannot find any proof that this was actually written by John Cleese. Even if a monkey wrote it (or an Onion contributor for that matter), it's still amusing.

UPDATE 3/5/03: Cred goes to SatireWire for this piece:
ANGERED BY SNUBBING, LIBYA, CHINA SYRIA FORM AXIS OF JUST AS EVIL
Thanks to Wil for the heads up.

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are Just as Evil...in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils... best at being evil...we're the best."

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil.

"They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. "An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."

International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered.

Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what became a game of geopolitical chairs.

Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil," forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil," while Bulgaria,Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable."

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up...Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics."

Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America," while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries That Be Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick." "That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis, although he rejected the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in "Guay," accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.

Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately, world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.

This weekend

Had a pretty good weekend so far. Yesterday we went out and grabbed The Sims Online. Tara played last night and today and it seemed like she was enjoying it. Of course as soon as I got home from work today and tried to play, they all of a sudden have a problem with their servers and I can't get on.

I put my deposit down for Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker and in exchange I got a free copy of Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time and the previously unreleased Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time - Master Quest. The second game has never been available to the public and is only being given to people who have pre-purchased the new Zelda game. Trevor and I played Ocarina of Time last night (well, I played it and he cheered me on - "Daddy, you got the sword!") and it was a lot of fun. It is an older Nintendo 64 game, but considering that I never owned an N64, the game looks awesome to me.

Tara's angel post cracked me up. She has got the best sense of humor. Totally twisted. I wanted to take Trevor for a walk today but it was just too rainy out. Instead I grabbed a Knock-Knock joke book from the store and we all cracked up tonight.

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alex
Alex who?
Alex plain later, just let me in.

So, really lame jokes but it was fun.

Snow Angels

I wish we had a yard to play in. Driveway snow angels are a lot more treacherous than yard snow angels. Someone has to be the car lookout.

Then again, if you get run over, you're already an angel. So that's a plus.

A lovely day for a massacre

It's a sunny and warm 42 degrees in Boston. Good day for a pointless war, don't you think?

Friday

I had my interview yesterday afternoon for the inside sales position with my group. There are still about 10 other people that have to interview over the next two weeks. There are between 4-7 positions available, and I should know what their decisions are by the middle of March.

That said, the conversation went very well. I came out of the meeting feeling pretty good about things, and with lots of info about the position.

I'll keep you all posted.

His hand must get very tired...

You've seen Web clocks before, but I find this one particularly clever:

http://www.yugop.com/ver3/stuff/03/fla.html

Snow

Man, Bostonites have little respect for snow. I mean 2 feet of snow fell last night, and the farthest this little sapling bent was to let us come to work at 10 instead of 8:30!

Ok, so there is some respect for snow, and all things considered this terrible storm occuring caused little if any inconvenience for me and the rest of the Boston Liloia clan.

Over the last few weeks as the snow has been piling up around here, our landlord has been pushing the driveway snow all the way to the end of the lot and up against the fence near our back door. After last nights snow the pile was about 6 feet high and probably almost 20 feet around. How can you pass this up? Tonight Trevor and I spent some solid time out there playing on the pile, getting our feet firmly stuck in the pile, and digging an igloo in the snow.

Well, it was actuall more of a cave with a sunroof. Tara was concerned that we might dig an igloo and then be crushed to death by the snow, (watch out Stallone and O'Donnell - Tara Liloia will be starring in the next snow rescue movie!) and I agreed, so we made it less dangerous.

Trevor has been quite a handfull over the last few weeks and he has been driving us crazy. We are begining to think that he has a case of cabin fever and is getting tired of staying inside so much due to the weather. It hasn't helped that he has been sick on and off since the begining of October. Tonight he seemed to be ok, and the benefits would have outweighed the risk anyhow so we played for about an hour in the snow.

I just wish that I hadn't lost my scarf and really cool earmuffs (they were called 180's and went behind my head) at the train station last week. It was cold out there.

--Props to Bryan and Christine for posting the snowy pictures! It seems that we all were hammered by the snow.

1.5 Days...

On Thursday afternoon I have my first interview since being laid off. The position is with my current company for an inside sales position. It would be a great move for me, as all of my previous work has really been preparation for going into sales. There are 4 open positions (I think) and 8 or 9 people applying for them. I am really hoping that the hiring manager is convinced that I am the right choice for the job. I'll let you know how it goes.

Send Money

Oh, and by the way we are currently at 502 posts on Liloia.com
We have been going at this for almost 2 full years on this site and we are still loving it. So as you would for any of our birthday celebrations, send Liloia.com a card with a nice big wad of money in it.

Huh, what Tara? Oh, ok. Umm, nevermind what I just said. Tara says that it isn't nice to demand our friends to send us money. Ok, well "I am sorry for what I did". There I said it. Geez, you think I was stealing or something.

Hah. 500 posts. Cool.

Strong Bad

Tara had me go check out this link today. This has got to be one of the funniest Flash cartoons that I have ever seen. The main character is Strong Bad a hostile little cartoon who constantly wears a wrestling mask and answers his fam email. The one that we checked out first was:

Strongbad: Trogdor the Burninator

But after we saw that one, we took a shot and started changing the URL to sbemail57, 56, 55....I stopped when I realized that I could be there all day long and not stop laughing. The animation is great, voices are hysterical and the concept is top rate. Please go check it out.

You can also go see the main site and check out all of these guys art and other cartoons. Homestar Runner

2003 Dilly Awards

Just yesterday, Natalie over at Pickle Juice notified us that we are nominees for the 2003 Dilly Award. Although I hadn't heard of it before then, this seems like a really cool group of sites to be considered with. Basically, the idea is to nominate amateur sites that you think really hit it out of the park in any number of areas. Some of those are; overall, comedy, politics, thought provoking, etc. Currently we are being considered in the comedy and overall categories, but Natalie stated in a recent post that she will make the ultimate decision as to where each site will be judged and what the categories will ultimately be.

The nominations will be going on until the 25th, after which time the voting will begin. I'll be counting on all friends of Liloia.com to make the trip over to pickle juice once I find out what the voting entails and voting for "the right candidate"

Keep your eyes peeled for more info about this.

P.S. - The prize for this contest is a pair of Dill Pickle boxer shorts, and a button for the site letting everyone know that we are a winner for 2003. Now you can see why the competition is so feirce! :)

Thursday

Tomorrow is Friday, Valentines Day and I am feeling pretty good. Tuesday night I took Tara out to Best Buy, and as per our normal Valentines Day tradition, I purchased her some tasty bit of technology. This year it was a Radeon 7500 3D graphics card for her computer Sadie. The core reason for nabbing this card is that she recently was accepted as a member of a research study through the University of Minnesota Psychology department.

They are apparently studying women who play MMORPG (Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games) and in exchange for playing for a month and filling out a form, Tara got a free copy of Asheron's Call 2. Unfortunately for us, the graphics card that she had in Sadie was not up to snuff.

I had intended to get her a cell phone for V-Day, since her's is always missing my calls for some reason (I wonder if there is a simple explanation for that one? hah). But she really was excited about this game and how could I leave her hanging.

Now with the new card she can play the game (which she says is really cool). I also went back and played my favorite game again, Diablo II: Lord of Destruction and the graphics were awesome. Shading, texture, colors were all really great. I can't wait to play it some more...

Crab vs. Pipe

Generally I don't like taking content from other people's blogs and reposting it. This link is too funny not to share. After looking it over, please take a look at Curious Frog and give him credit for digging up this gem.

BTW - Sorry for the lack of info here. This is a robot cutting a pipe that is 6000 feet underwater. As the crab goes by, he experiences the intense suction that is being exerted on it from the pipe. Fun fun..

Crab vs. Pipe

This depicts the classic struggle of physics vs. biology as one of Curious Frog's visitors stated.

Philabusterama

keeping the Hispanic vein of posts for the day, I found this article very interesting about the current nomination by President Bush for an appointment to the US Court of Appeals. Mr. Estrada....wait a second. Mr. Estrada, as in Eric Estrada? No wonder the Democrats are trying to stop this appointment being approved, that guy was a horrible actor in the 70's, 80's and 90's.

Huh, what was that? Oh, ok my apologies, so it isn't Eric, it's Manuel? Oops.

Filibuster on Judgeship Halts Business in the Senate

Mira mira trabajo...

Perhaps after May 31st I can join the ranks of by Latin brethren at the local Home Depot.

Outside Do-It-Yourself Store, Men Yearn to Do It for Them

Okay, maybe being 25% Mexican doesn't make them my Latin brethren, but you get the idea.

Frantic Fun

Things are really busy here at work today and I am not finding the time that I would like to add a new entry to the site. In between my rushing around, Clay has provided this bit of levity. Everyone needs commonly used phrases in Latin don't they?

Tom, I promise to add a new entry with some pith before the clock strikes 12.

Sharing

I have been working on this short story in between things here and there, and I thought that it might be fun to share what I have so far with everyone out there in blogland. Take a look, read it over and let me know what you think so far. I would love some critiques and suggestions for where the story can go next.

Evil Robot on my Train

There is an evil robot on the train I take to work in the morning and I think he is trying to kill me. I am hoping that someone reading this may be able to help me, or in the worst-case scenario get a message back to my family about what might have happened to me. I live in a suburb of Boston, and Monday through Friday I ride the train in to get to my office. Generally I take the 7:05 train, although recently I have been waking up a bit late and grabbing the 7:30. It gets me to work about 12 minutes late, hopefully my boss hasn’t noticed.

I wait in a spot that allows me to step onto the third car from the rear of the train. This puts me as close as possible to the stairs when we get to the station and avoid the majority of the crowds. People tend to push a lot as you reach the stairs as if the rules of etiquette and manners are suspended when below the surface of the Earth. Just last week I had someone actually take their arm and push me aside so that they could get ahead of me on the escalator.
The third car from the rear also happens to be the first double-decker car, which is preferred for a few reasons. First, it always has more seats so that I can have my own seat. I don’t mind sharing on the way into Boston, but coming home I like to have my own space. I tend to fall asleep on the way home, and as my wife tells me often, this is not a pretty sight. I would not want to unnecessarily subject someone to that.
Secondly, I get to ride on the second floor and get an excellent view from the window as we move north. This time of year it is not all that much fun because it is dark when I go to work and the sun has already set when I am on my way home. Once spring comes this will change, I’ll be able to see family’s barbequing and playing in their yards, people driving home from work and plenty of other interesting tidbits of the human condition.
I make every effort to sit on the right side of the car, facing forward. There is something about facing backwards that irks me, and riding on the left side of the train makes me feel like I am heading into oncoming traffic. This feeling is also duplicated when I drive with my sister, but for different reasons.
The robot takes the 7:05 every day without fail. I don’t think it knew about me when I first started taking the train. Originally, I took the 6:43, which got me into work really early, and without all of this stress. I have tried to get back into that pattern, but it is just not possible, I can’t wake up in time. Taking the 7:30 and missing the robot entirely would place me at work late every day. Unless my end result is getting fired, I can’t do that. Facing him down each morning is my only option for now.
The robot always sits in the rear portion of my car in the area before the two floors split, and where people stand when the train is full. It sits facing the door, in a single seat with it’s back to the wall almost as if it is a defensive position, carefully assessing the commuters as they enter the car. It outer shell is male about 5’7”, with slicked black hair parted down the middle and Caucasian skin pigmentation. Generally it is wearing a button down dress shirt, tie, slacks, and black dress shoes. The style of dress is what may be considered ‘business’ and hints that a certain level of research was completed in order to more adequately fit into the class of people riding into Boston, but I was not fooled. What was tipped me off, why do I assume that this creature is a robot and not just some guy riding to his office? There were a number of indicators to its true form, but the red flag was the fact that he never wore a coat.
When I first noticed him it was summertime and coats were not necessary most days. Even on days when it was raining, I let it slide that he wore no outer protection assuming that he must work very close to the train station and had no need for extra layers. Then October came, and I was spending a lot of time focusing on the weather and fully embracing the cooler season. Almost every day in October I could be found reading Ray Bradbury, arguably the king of October and thoroughly enjoying the falling leaves. All this time he barely flinched. The most adaptation that he exhibited was moving from short sleeve shirts to long sleeves. This I could still forgive, but we are now in January and he still is yet to don any extra garb.
**This note was added on January 27th, 2003** If you are familiar with Boston at all you may know that we have experienced one of the coldest winters on record. For some time a week or so ago, we had 10 days in a row where the temperature did not go above freezing at any point. While we did grab one afternoon that was not cold enough to freeze salt water, today has dropped below the freezing mark again and the wind is very strong. This morning, the robot was sitting quite smugly inside of the train wearing nothing except his dress shirt. The conductors on the train, who rarely step outside all day long were wearing scarves inside of the train, and this bucket of bolts just sat there as if there was nothing strange about his appearance.
The second tip was what he carried with him every day, nothing. Not a bag or umbrella, satchel, hat, cane, lunch box or anything. How can a commuter who allegedly is a human being go through an entire workday and not need something other than the clothes on their back? I consider myself a pretty self-sufficient individual, and yet I need a bag with me each day to hold at the bare minimum a book so that I can pass the time on the train. Sometimes I will bring other things like a CD player, medicine, bills, batteries, floss, extra books, a sandwich, pens, lip balm, and candy bars, but really almost nothing.
He has carried one item that I have seen on two separate occasions. It is a plastic shopping bag from a supermarket. The name on the bag was obscured, or else I would have jotted it down in an attempt to track him down. Inside the bag were what appeared to be protein bars, like you would see in a health food store. They were the kind of bars that have 150% of all of your daily vitamins and minerals while still being really high in calories. The bag was completely full both times, and by my best estimate there were over 40 bars each time. I have never seen him carry anything else in between, and he only had the bag those two times. I can feel pretty certain that there weren’t any other times he brought something into Boston, since I see him every single morning. Before I first noticed him, I had no problem taking some vacation time, or calling out sick from time to time. Honestly speaking, I wasn’t always sick on those days, but every once in a while I just needed the time to myself. I am sure that we have all done that from time to time, right?
Clearly the protein bars confused me at first. If it were true that he was a robot then why would he have any need for food? I pondered this issue for some time and then came to two possible conclusions. The first option was that he was using this food as part of his cover. By bringing food along with him, he could blend in more easily with the people around him. For some time, I thought that this was the only reasonable explanation. He had spent some time watching and studying us and had seen that this is a practice that we participate in, lunch bags and all. I myself do not usually bring a lunch with me unless we order take-out the previous night and there are leftovers. Otherwise I tend to grab soup from the greasy spoon down the block. The young lady who works at the counter is not only the owner’s daughter, but is very attractive. Not attractive enough for me to order the blue plate special, I mean c’mon that would be crazy. I do enjoy going in there most days though.
After some time, it came to me that this was not the most reasonable explanation. If he was bringing these bags into work in order to cover for the fact that he doesn’t consume food, then why did he bring them in so infrequently? Wouldn’t he want to bring one in every day, even if it was the same exact bag, at least he would fit in with most of his co-workers whom he was trying to fool. No, the reason for this practice had to be simpler; something basic that had originally eluded me. He must actually have to eat in order to survive. This was the only plausible explanation. I had heard of higher robotic creatures using protein-based solutions as a food source in numerous science fiction books and movies. Perhaps this creature was one of these, possibly more of an android than robot and used these bars at its energy source. That would make more sense, and if he only needed one protein bar per day, it would explain why he didn’t bring a bag for each day and instead kept a larger supply with him. I must remember to consider this android/robot distinction after I have collected more information about this being.
I am convinced that he must be using some form of mind control to keep the other commuters from detecting his true form.

Justice League to the Rescue

Come on, we all know what this is. Wonder Woman clearly tried to rescue the space shuttle with the Lasso of Truth just moment before disaster:

S.F. man's astounding photo Mysterious purple streak is shown hitting Columbia 7 minutes before it disintegrated

WHY CAN'T I OWN CANADIANS?

Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstances. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident:

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Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him or her that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify?
Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sunday (the Sabbath).
In the book of Exodus verse 35:2 it clearly states he should be put to death.
Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16). Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14). I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

The Science Behind Columbia

Finally, an article that isn't just a rehash of the four press releases we've all seen a hundred times. Plus, a great diagram of all you ever wanted to know about the structure of space shuttle tiles.

Scorpions

Apparently Star Trek wasn't the first to set their phasers to stun. According to a researcher at UC Davis Entomology Department, scorpions can change the amount of venom used in their sting to vary the effects on their victim.

"Scorpions don't bother to waste venom killing a victim if they don't have to. Instead they use a prevenom that causes extreme pain, resorting to the deadlier version only when necessary, researchers have discovered."

Job

By the way, I am starting my official search for a new job, since PerkinElmer laid me off last last week. If anyone has any contacts or people that I should talk to, please pass them on. Also, if you know of a position in the Boston area that might be interesting to me, let me know.

My resume is available to anyone upon request.

Diesel Fuel

This morning I was walking from the bus station to my office when I passed an idling tow truck on the street. For some reason the smell of diesel fuel brought back a lot of memories of our time in Wisconsin. Perhaps it was the weather today, which reminds me of many of my early mornings working for Tru-Green that did it. Dunno.

For about 6 months while we lived in Wisconsin, I worked a pump truck for Tru-Green ChemLawn. I was a trufgrass specialist for them and in between running hose to fertilize people's lawns, I got to diagnose and treat their specific lawn care issues. My shifts generally were from 6 to 2 maybe 3 if I took extra long that day. These days were really intense and if I was moving well that day I could be in and out of a location in under 5 minutes. I had to keep going because I got paid based on volume revenue generated each day so it made more sense to sprint through my day.

I always asked them, if they wanted me to do a large number of lawns each day, then why didn't they give me the majority of my accounts for that day in the same area/street instead of spreading them all over the town. I would have one day where I would hit house #24 and the next day my route would include the house next door. I never understood that. Anyway, even though it was an intense job it was still fun.

Shuttle News

This morning on the way to the service station to bring the Kia in for an oil change, I heard on NPR about the shuttle catastrophe. While all of this is very sad and the situation is one that no one ever wants to occur I am again sickened by our media coverage of these events.

Initially they feel no remorse for annoying the families of the possible (probable) victims before these poor people have even found out the complete details.

They show us the same stupid footage of the crash over and over again as if there is going to be some new nugget of information that they can squeeze out of this 5-second clip.

They feel the need to mention every 5 seconds (in between the 5 seconds of footage) that this is not a terrorist attack. If this is not a terrorist attack, then why is it important to mention it?

When Challenger exploded, the media were visibly upset, crying and reacting like human beings. In this situation, they are proving how heartless they really have become by remaining stone-faced and distant.

The only useful information that I have received about this tragedy was from the BBC, one of the few news sources that I have recently decided shows some of the highest levels of journalistic quality in developing their material for the airwaves.